There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
