And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
The Olympian is in my bed
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
