So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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