I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
