Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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