She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
