I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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