I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Randomize
