The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
there was a trapeze. enough said
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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