so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
