Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
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