fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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