At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
