K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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