That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
