i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
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