I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
