dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
