I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
