don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
