made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Randomize
