she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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