Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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