The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Randomize
