i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
