Pregnant stripper...not hot.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
