Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
