If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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