for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
