First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
