I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
