It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
