I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
