I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
