booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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