I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Randomize
