My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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