dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
