Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
