i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize
