AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
