my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Randomize
