You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
one two three fourrrrnication!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
