it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
it hurts more in the daytime
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Randomize
