So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
