I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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