i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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