remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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