Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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