my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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